Friday, May 19, 2006

Underworld Pick-Up Station

Tommy the tomato: Bobby!!

Bobby the banana: Yes Tommy.

Tommy: I miss my mom.

Bobby: I'm not the one who asked you to drop in the wrong box and I definitely didn't pull you in here with me.

Tommy: Don't you miss your mom too?

Bobby: No I don't think so. I'd like to think of my mom as the tree I used to hang on along with my brothers.

Tommy: Well alright, don't you miss your brothers then?

Some other banana: We are his brothers, you little blushy fruit-thing and we're trying to get some sleep.

Tommy: I'm not a fruit-thing. I AM A TOMATO.

That same other banana: Shut your friend up, Bobby.

Bobby: Dude, you say one more word and I'll have to step aside and let the elders squish you. I am the only thing that separates you from the elders you know. (The elders being the bananas at the top of the box. They're the ones to be processed [bought] first).

Tommy: No. Not the elders. I'm not as tough on the outside as you guys.

Bobby: Well, shut the hell up then.

Tommy: Alright. Shht. I'll be quiet.

Elder Banana O'Bananian: Bobby… Bobby!!

Bobby: Is that you O?

O'Bananian: Yeah man. Have you noticed anything?

Bobby: Anything about what O?

O'Bananian: Your new red friend here fears you now. You represent a major threat to him because if you move he dies. You won't be the reason of his demise. We will… when we land on his soft sissy skin. So basically, we are this little fellow's only fear right now. On the other leaf, we, the elders, are on the verge of being processed into the afterlife when the gods of the underworld come around to collect us. Ain't life a bitch?

Bobby: You've always been wise, O. I still can't believe that tomorrow we're gonna part.

Elder Banana Banshee: You know… you can still step aside and let us all slide to the bottom of the box.

Bobby: As much as I'd love saving you from the underworld gods, but I can't kill Tommy… and you know there is no escape from the underworld gods.

O'Bananian: Banshee, we're gonna go through it together. Peel in peel.

Banshee: I just want to know… WHY?! Why do we have to die? We were fine hanging on to mama. (Sobbing)

O'Bananian: Oh get a grip will ya? We have served our purpose. We did our life appointed job. We won't die for good, Banshee. We will lose our skin. Our souls will be free as we move to the afterlife.

Banshee: What if there is no afterlife, O'Bananian? Huh?! Haven't you ever considered that you yellow piece of…

O'Bananian hits Banshee with his head pushing him a bit over the top.

O'Bananian: BEHAVE Banshee. Don't underestimate me. I can still push you outside the box. We'll see what you have to say when the lord sees you in a puddle of mud in the morning. You do know that the underworld Gods like their collected ones clean, don't you? So look fresh.

Banshee: I'm calm. I'm calm. Just answer my question.

O'Bananian: Which is?

Banshee: What if… we get processed… and that's it. We don't get "your" so-called freedom. We don't pass over to the afterlife.

O'Bananian: It’s the belief Banshee. It's what we've been told by our ancestors. It's the belief that we are here to serve a much greater purpose. I've had visions.

Banshee: Wow… I believe. I BELIEVE. You know what, O. You're so full of shit.

O'Bananian: Yeah? Well, what if I'm right… and you've been wrong all this time. You know what happens to non-believers Banshee?

Banshee: What? What happens?

O'Bananian: Their souls stay put inside what's left of their bodies. They stay for good. They don't pass over to the better place. I've heard the lord call that other place they go to "hell".

Banshee: O, is it scary… that hell place?

O'Bananian: I hear it's too hot in there you can actually melt without having to take your skin off.

Banshee: Please don't leave me O. Promise me you're gonna tell them that I'm a believer too.

O'Bananian: I can't lie, Banshee. Mother taught us not to. Are you or are you not a believer?

Banshee: I believe in the underworld gods. I believe in the lord. I believe in the final processing of bananas for a better purpose. I believe in the afterlife. I believe in it all.

O'Bananian: That's the spirit.

Bobby: I believe too, O. Without you I never would have become the banana that I am today. I hope I've made you proud.

O'Bananian: You always were special, Bobby. I sure will miss you.

Tommy: Err…

All bananas stare at the speaking tomato.

Banshee: I thought we told you to shut up.

O'Bananian looks at Banshee in disappointment.

Banshee: I'm sorry. I'm sorry… You can talk all you want. Talk, shout, sing… You can sing? Sing us a song.

Silence prevails as the wise and elder Banshee muttered his last words.

O'Bananian: Speak up, little one.

Tommy: Well, I believe too.

O'Bananian: Oh? And what do you believe in, my… tomato?

Tommy: I believe that I can fly.

O'Bananian: Fly? That's a new one. (Giggles) So… tell me… err… do you tomatoes have names too or do you belong maybe to lower form of beings.

Tommy: My name is Tommy. I'm a tomato. Tomatoes can fly.

O'Bananian: They can? Well, I've never seen any tomatoes flying around lately… Have you, Bobby?

Bobby: Certainly not, O.

Tommy: My mama told me that all tomatoes can fly. They used to fly hundreds of years ago from village to village… then… the belief… O'Bananian, Sir… was lost. They lost hope. They didn't care anymore about flying away from all of this. I have hopes. I have dreams. I want the better me to exist.

O'Bananian: I don't want to disappoint you kid, but… I don't think you have the wings for that… unless you guys are actually filled with helium and not just seeds.

Bobby: So where did your mama go anyway? No no. Let me rephrase that. Where did she fly to?

Tommy: You sick son of a…

The box opens up. The morning light comes in. The underworld gods have come from the nethers to collect.

Banshee: Oh lord… I see the light.

O'Bananian: Watch and learn Bobby. Watch and learn.

Bobby stares in wonder.

Bobby: O, what's going on?

O'Bananian: The underworld gods and the lord are making the trade.

Bobby: Is it time?

O'Bananian: Bobby!

Bobby: Yes, O?

O'Bananian: I've tried to set the best example to you and our brothers. Banshee was the fuck up of the trunk… but I still love him. I love you, Bobby… and I'll miss you.

Bobby: (sobbing) I'll miss you, big brother.

The underworld god pulls out five bananas, one at a time.

O'Bananian: Tell me I've been a good banana, Bobby… a good brother.

Bobby: O, you've been the best.

O'Bananian: No Bobby. The best is yet to come (Winks at Bobby as he gets lifted.)

Banshee (mumbles): I believe. I believe.

The banana box door shuts. It's dark again.

If i'm blue I would get hope by reading this blog. Because if a tomato knows he can fly that i too can do anything: solve the middle east conflict, destroy nuclear weapons, bring peace to all over the world...
i loved it, hilarious yet deep.
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